to be a cloud
Opening note: Sorry... this was just a big splurge of thoughts. I didn't intend the post to be this way at all. I apologize if it seems spontaneous and confusing... I'm not a very organized thinker
We're free
If I were a cloud, I wouldn't want to turn into rain. Why would I want to, when I can be surrounded by my other cloud friends in comfort? From that vantage point, I could look down at the Earth and have a breath-taking bird's eye view of the world. Looking upwards, I would enjoy an exponentially more beautiful view of the sky. My friends and I would drift together endlessly. For a week or so we would be gently floating above the ocean, wherever the wind bids us, watching the expansive surface of the ocean fold over itself in waves, forming random yet intricate patterns. Then we would finally reach land and lazily glide over countless landscapes ranging from mountains to wetlands, and then finally, we would find ourselves adrift over a city.
If you didn't know before, I'll make it clear right now that I love the rain, provided that it isn't a raging torrent or the icy frigid kind of rain. I love to stand in the rain. The drops would immerse me in a surround-sound of gentle percussion, and there would be a distinct smell in the air. I remember back when I used to live in Korea, our family lived in an apartment in Seoul. Our apartment was some amount of stories high, and the very next morning, stepping out of the apartment, you would see the entire city enveloped in mist. Something about the gargantuan fog that smothered the entire city really blew me away. The atmosphere would be cool and humid as the wind would softly blow at my face, and it would be a very pleasant feeling. Now whenever it rains, I always remember this, and for whatever reason it makes me really happy.
Have you ever looked down upon a large city at night time from a high vantage point? A couple years ago, I was on top of the John Hancock Center. Being nighttime, looking down at the city, there would be countless lights illuminating the entire city. It was wonderful. Many of the lights were from cars, and from my perspective, they appeared as tiny lights that would slowly crawl across the cityscape. I began imagining what kind of people would be in those cars. Where are they going? Are they alone or traveling with others? What kind of emotions are they feeling? What is going on in their lives? What kind of stories would they tell me? My mind became preoccupied with thoughts regarding the people that I imagined to be sad. Maybe they felt lost and misplaced in their lives, wandering aimlessly through the streets of Chicago with no real destination in mind. A life without direction seems so depressing. I wished, looking down at the city, that I could descend down from the observation deck to where they were and talk to them with the aim of giving them hope or making some kind of positive impact in their lives.
I'm very selfish. I stay within the comforts of my social circles and detach myself from the rest of the world. While CFC has truly been a blessing to me these past couple years, I feel like I disconnected myself from the bulk of my other friends. It's so easy to minister or talk heart-to-heart with my CFC friends, but I rarely do so with other people. There are so many broken and hopeless people around me, with no real sense of direction in their lives. They don't know God, who is sovereign and orchestrates every aspect of our lives.
We are like clouds, and He is the wind that pushes us to where we need to go. We have no choice but to be pushed. What can a mere cloud do to resist against the wind? A lot of times I think I'm pushed into an opportunity to reach out to someone who is lost. However, almost every time I don't do anything because of the self-doubt and fear inside me. I don't want to leave my comfort zone, nor do I think I have the capacity to even make a difference. Like a cloud, I have nothing extraordinary to offer. A cloud can rain, and that's about it. There's nothing significant about that cloud's ability to rain, and I feel the same in whatever I may have to offer. Thus I keep my distance, far removed from this potentially uncomfortable situation. I stay a cloud.
I keep saying the cloud's ability to rain is insignificant, but is it really? I mean, rain does bring me great happiness. It did for me as I was a tiny boy in Korea, and it still does today. A lot of the things that I might think aren't significant, could potentially have a great effect on someone, but I'll never know until I take that chance and reach out. I shouldn't be concerned about leaving my comfort zone. I should be more bold. This opportunities before me are there because God put me there.
As comfortable as it may be to remain a cloud, and as insignificant as its ability to rain may be, perhaps it's time to rain. The broken world and its lost people are parched.
where do they go?
I was half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can.
I had left my phone in Kevin Kim's car. Kevin, Paul Suh, and I went to Loews earlier so that Kevin could tell us what we needed to purchase later for some worship team-related repairs. On the ride back home, that's when it must have fallen out. Regardless, our rendezvous point was in the County Market parking lot. Being at Joe Wu's apartment, it was about a three blocks' walk away. Along the way, there was this park that was completed over the summer, and within the park, a playground.
Out of spontaneity, for a brief moment I stood on top of a slide. I looked down on the playground, then slowly shifted my eyes gradually upwards. The grass was already covered by a layer of snow that fell within the past week and was being added upon by a snowfall that was fairly thick, while the lamps gently illuminated the playground as the snow scattered the light. Looking up at the sky, I didn't really expect to see anything, and I wasn't surprised to see the light pollution drown out all the stars. Sad. Had I stood at that same exact point not even twenty years ago, I bet the view would have been fantastic.
Remember man on sand? What about freeze tag? What about the days where we would swing on swings and climb on jungle gyms. Back then, it was so easy to be content and worry-free. Sometime between then and now, something must have happened. Some parts of my heart must have begun wanting more, and at times, that urge feels so strong and insatiable.
This post has just been a big splurge of random thoughts so anyways, I listened to this song earlier today. That along with the blessings from winter retreat, I almost teared up, filled with some kind of amazing peace, while at the same time, disgusted at my own discontent. No amount of stars could surpass His majesty and beauty. No part of my heart could not be satisfied through Him alone.
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Sorry. This post blows.
In the end, why does it even matter?
let’s get blessed
I despise mayonnaise and though Jimmy John's seems to be extremely liberal in the amount they spread on their sandwiches, I shall not complain. Through some amazing miracle, two fantastic friends I met randomly gave me a free boxed lunch of Jimmy John's and Jamba Juice. Aside from the appealing outer box that consumes way too much cardboard for its own good, there really is a generous amount of food inside: a sandwich, a pickle, a bag of chips, and a cookie.
The MCB 301 exam was pretty easy, at least easier than I expected after taking two difficult previous exams. Though last night sucked preparing for this exam along with two other quizzes, this day's prospects are steadily increasing. After finishing an assignment, I'll be heading over to CFC's annual winter retreat. I'm ready to get blessed.
Lord, this weekend is devoted to you.
See y'all at the retreat.
Afterthoughts: I am convinced that this BLT is probably the unhealthiest Jimmy John's sandwich seeing how it is just bacon (a lot of it,) mayonnaise (even more of it,) and bread (oh how I love the bread!). Aside from the literally negligible nutrition provided by the lettuce and tomato, it basically is all fat and carbs.
the special theory of God
timeline streamlined but still you seem so far off
This morning Paige picked me up for morning prayer. For personal reasons, I've made the commitment to go to morning prayer everyday this week. Having slept around 4:30 AM, it was difficult waking up. Paige picked me up and being the smooth talker I am, I quickly offered a topic as a nucleation site for conversation.
"You know, Paige, a couple months ago scientists, developed a quantum-logic clock that is about thirty-seven times more accurate than the cesium-fountain clock that is the current international standard. Instead of losing a second every one-hundred million years, the new clock loses a second every 3.4 billion years!"
Let's put that into perspective. The age of the universe is predicted to be 13.7 billion years, thus if we had the quantum-logic clock set at t=0s at the advent of the big bang, within the universe's entire existence, the clock would only lose four seconds... amazing!
Side note: I'm not necessarily endorsing the big bang theory. Just shut up and revel in the accuracy of this clock!
After listening to my terribly interesting fact, instead of countering with something along the lines of "You're a loser, Sean Park. Who cares?" which is the type of response I half-expected, she began to speak in amazement of the accomplishments that the human race have made. On top of that, she began praising God for giving us the means to discover Him through discovering nature.
I've had this debate all too many times with others, the debate of science versus religion, and I think the fallacy that all too many of us fall for is in the false dilemma on which we base our arguments. The way I see it, because God created this world and all the fundamental laws that govern it, science and God are inseparable. You can begin to argue this statement, especially when it comes to more difficult topics such as evolution and creation, but that's not the point at which I'm trying to get. There's an argument that I support that would both honor a literal reading of Genesis and scientific observations and discoveries.
That aside, what I wanted to convey- and what Paige wanted to convey as well, I think, is well summarized in this quote by John Polkinghorne, a British particle physicist and theologian:
What I've been saying is that the universe, in its rational beauty and transparency, looks like a world shot through with signs of mind, and, maybe, it's the "capital M" Mind of God we are seeing. In other words, the reason within and the reason without fit together because they have a common origin in the reason of the Creator, who is the ground of all that is.
+ John Polkinghorne, Quarks, Chaos & Christianity
Of course, this is just one perspective through which I see God, and that's the beauty of Christianity: Because God's presence permeates throughout the entirety of the universe, one can view God's glory in anything, and everything.
During the past summer, I believe the first Bible study passage with Team Fei (my summer small group) included Matthew 5:13-15.
-13- You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men. -14- You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; -15- nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. -16- Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
+ Matthew 5:13-16 (NASB)
I do not recall who it was that shared this during Bible study, but this is the general gist I took from that person's interpretation of the passage, along with some of my own thoughts infused within:
We are the light that shines to show the glory of God to others; to illuminate the path towards righteousness. The city can be seen as the kingdom of God, and we as Christians reside in the kingdom. There are different kinds of lights in a city, each with a different purpose. There are traffic lights to regulate the flow of traffic, there are street lights to illuminate the streets, and so forth. In that respect, we as Christians have such distinctions as with the different types of lights: different callings, gifts, but also the important distinction in what kind of light we shine on God.
As previously stated, one can view God's glory in anything, and everything. However, that's only true in the collective standard. What I mean to say is that I can see God through the sciences, whether it's through biology, astronomy, or physics. That doesn't necessarily mean other people can see God in those aspects inherently, but that they gain the capacity and perspective to see God in that regard through the unique light that I shine onto God. The opposite case applies, where there are many perspectives through which I cannot see God, but can after others reveal other shine their unique lights onto God.
The city is wholly illuminated by the collective efforts of all the lights within that city. God's glory is wholly revealed through the collective perspectives offered by the members of the Christian body.
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Okay. This is no where even close to the note I had originally intended to write, as you could infer with the italicized text in the beginning of this post and how it doesn't relate to anything in the remainder of the post. That will be saved for another day. For now, as far as I'm concerned, God don't need no quantum-logic clock. He's timeless.
