deviation i – untitled i
deviation i - to myself, my internal war
untitled i
that stormy night of
turbulent waves
almost caused
the beautiful
boat to tip
over but
the rusty
ugly anchor
kept it upright
until the passing
of the storm gave
no further use for it
and being happy rose
just to be in her proximity.
autodiscourse:
this doesn't even sound like me
but the feeling is no less.
i'm happy but not in caps.
can the same be said for sadness?
though math would dictate neutrality,
since when does math apply to words?
it is this ambivalence that kills me
because sometimes i am clueless.
even though i say so much,
i only listen and keep jaws clenched
when it actually comes to THIS...
but didn't i say i'm not?
i lied, turns out math does apply
since THIS - this could take on a sign,
and in this state of constant flux
i really should speak out.
but that joker paint
fools both of us
and you haven't the slightest clue
...and neither do i.
SATISFACTION eludes me
although i am satisfied
but no right mind should feel as i do
because i am left
as you speed ahead
and i am drowning in your wake.
but i am so thirsty
so i let myself die.
but now there's nothing offered i want to drink
so better is it to dry up?
or shall i lap at the first decent thing
and for once in my life gain tempo?
i see through this false dilemma
and poison myself with that which expired
in hopes of the one day
when the anchor is recognized.
+ october 12, 2008 @ 1:47 AM
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